Why is it always on the busiest days that your life chooses to fall apart? Today has been a hectic day at work. I've been here since 6 am and it has been a long busy day. The kind of busy where you don't really feel you've accomplished anything but you have been too busy to think 9 out of every 10 minutes. Things calmed down around 3pm and that's when the bottom fell out of things.
My fiance and I have been having a rough time of things. We have been together 3 years this time (we were previously high school sweethearts before splitting up and marrying other people only to end up divorced and back together) and we have been having problems for over a year now. My brother's death put more emotional strain on me, and therefore the relationship. We grew more distant, but I was too devastated dealing with my brother's death to deal with our relationship. So in it's way, it helped the relationship continue where it might have broken down otherwise.
Lately a lot of the problems we were having before have started to resurface. Today a lot of them came to a head. Over the phone. While I'm at work. Of course.
I hate that he calls me at work with personal crap. I don't have the time or energy for it. Plus it's rude. I don't call him at work with my issues.
We will probably work through things for the holidays. It will give us time to get all our ducks in a row and get things sorted as to who's taking what and get any mutual outstanding balances paid off. Plus no one wants to be alone for the holidays. And there is a chance we could remain friends if we can keep our cool and work through things as adults.
But it just feels as though it has run it's course. I care deeply for him as a dear friend but I'm not happy and neither is he. Maybe we need a break. All I know is something has to change.
I'm just always scared to make permanent decisions like these, and this whole mess has been laid in my lap. Whatever I decide will be what we do. I need a fortune-telling 8-ball right about now.
21 comments:
You are young, vital, and talented. And while it is scary to be lonely (believe me, I've been there, and am still there) living alone, loving one's child, and fulfilling one's potential are vastly more preferable to staying in a crappy relationship because you, well, don't want to be lonely.
There is something to be said for slow, measured withdrawal. I did so with my last beau, and when the time came for both of us to be released from the relationship, we embraced the moment.
Good luck, Jinx, you deserve happiness and fulfillment.
I am really hoping this is the case with us. We hae known each other for 12 years and we kinda grew up together. I want to maintain a friendship, I'm just worried because he's really trying to be immature and provoke me right now.
But I have refused to make a decision about anything until we both calm down and rationally talk things out.
You are very wise and mature, Jinxy. I'm sure you'll make the right decision. Being single can be very difficult, but as Ms. Place, mentioned, it's better than being in a crappy relationship.
You certainly deserve happiness. I wish you the best, Jinxy. :)
Happy New Year, Jinxy! :)
Jinxy dear, where are you? I miss your comments on the blogosphere.
I, too have dillied dallied and closed my Dishin' Dat blog. Good luck, dahling. May life be good to you.
MP
Hi Jinx,
I hope you don't find this patronizing but my one and only piece of advice (not that you asked for it)is always put the shoe on the other foot. Pretend you are not you and try and be him...everyone does things for a reason and maybe he called you at work with his personal problems becuase he thought you were the person who cared and the only person he felt comfortable talking to...Who know's maybe you guys are meant to "be together" but you have forgotten how to find happiness in simple things. Take yourself back to the first year and I'm sure it will bring a smile to your face. Have an awesome day :) and good luck.
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