Sweet November

I have posted some pictures of some of the cakes I did this year for Thanksgiving. I think I did around 12 cakes total for this Thanksgiving.

I did this cake for a celebration we had at my maternal grandmother's house. My aunt was in town from Austin TX, and my cousin had just had a birthday. It is a 2-layer angel food cake with assorted fresh fruits between the layers along with a whipped cream cheese filling. Fresh fruits on top.

Everyone in attendace was on a diet so I did the very best I could. I happen to like incorporating fresh fruits into my cakes, but you have to get them eaten faster in that case. Again, I'm not really seeing a down side at all.

I intend on using this turkey cake in some advertising for my cakes. My daughter wanted a turkey cake, and this was what came out. I think it's kinda cute, and it was fun to make. Like playing with play doh.

It was a german chocolate cake with a chocolate frosting/ coconut/ pecan filling. We ended up taking this cake down to the fire station for the fireman's dinner. I usually donate most of my "practice cakes" to them. The people at work are all on diets.

My daughter was not too thrilled at losing the first turkey cake I made, even if it was for a good cause. So I made this cake for her school party. The cake is butter cake with tinted vanilla frosting and a marshmallow fondant overlay. The body of the turkey is made of rice krispie treat, covered with marshmallow fondant. Kids love marshmallows.

She was happy with the substitution. I just couldn't send a cake with coconut and nuts in it to her school because of allergies. I never thought of that before I started the cake... I'm pretty flaky at times. I also made some turkey cupcakes for the kids that weren't allergic to chocolate, but I don't have a picture of them, the teacher hasn't emailed me any pictures (and I forgot to take any.)

This cake was made for the celebration we had at my paternal grandmother's Thanksgiving celebration, which was basically a huge picnic. It was pumpkin spice cake with cream cheese filling. I made a chocolate clay out of chocolate and corn syrup and rolled out a thin sheet of it, and that's what is covering the cake. I made the bow out of a white chocolate version of the candy clay, and painted it gold with edible gold luster dust. The pumpkins were store-bought decorations. I also used the gold luster dust to stamp some leaf designs on the candy clay shell of the cake.

This was my version of a Tiramisu. It's more cake-like than real Tiramisu. You can also decorate it like a cake. I usually soak the liqueur into the center of the cake and use a heavy italian creme between the layers. Then I saran wrap it overnight and let everything soak through and settle. The next day I use a mixture of buttercream frosting and Italian creme to cover the cake. Then I decorate it as I would any other cake. If you aren't careful it will come apart, but with a little prayer (and flowers to cover the mistakes) it usually turns out okay.

I'm dreaming of an Expensive Christmas

I was going over my budget today, as I have bought the last Christmas Present, and I was shocked to find that I have spent $2000 this year. I fell out. It's not a huge deal. I'm using all cash I had put away, so we are not talking about credit card debt---yet.

It was, admittedly my first Christmas on my own since my divorce so I had a lot of extra purchases to make. I had no Christmas decorations and no tree. My daughter and I both have allergies, so I had to get an artificial tree, and those boogers aren't cheap.

But due to my very large family I spent around $1800 on presents, and that includes the boxes of condoms I am planning to give to my Grandparents, aunts and uncles. We really don't need this family getting any bigger. I have 4 living grandparents, 26 aunts and uncles, and over 50 cousins. Lets not even get into second-cousins, great-aunts and uncles. I have packages all over my house. I'm thinking of taking a second renter's insurance policy out on my Christmas presents alone.

But- I am done. No more fighting crowds and everything I bought was bought on sale. I am very proud of myself and I give major props to all those with large families out there. Now it's time to just enjoy the holidays (and I do love the holidays) until the cake rush starts in a week or two.

I'll be making cakes pretty much non-stop until Christmas. I might post pics of some of the better ones.

Fabulously Glamorous Christmas Tunes

I have been listening to Ella Fitzgerald's "Wishes you a Swinging Christmas" album, and I am so in love with it. Her voice just lulls out those dulcet tones, and I feel like I'm in the middle of a glamorous black and white film wearning a scandalously luxurious mink stole and satin dress. I highly reccommend you grab a copy if you can possibly find one. It is some of the best Christmas music ever.

Favorites on this album include:
-What are you doing New Year's Eve?
-The Christmas Song
-White Christmas

I'm sorry I don't have more to post this week, but I have been shopping like a squirrel at a nut convention. Next week will be wrapping time. I like to have all of my shopping done a good 2-3 weeks before all the parties get in full swing.

I'm taking my mom to the Aflac Christmas party this year. Diamond Rio is the act playing this year, and I'm not a country music fan, nor is my fiance. My mother, however, loves it so I'm going to treat her for Christmas. Last year was Gladys Knight, and it was a pretty good show. The food is always good at the Aflac party, and I LOVE seeing what my co-workers interpret as Christmas Formal.

Last year there were misshapen tattoos on display, nipples showing through fabric, oh it was ugly! A real snarkfest, especially when my boss showed up with his wife wearing something that was surely bought at a store providing fashion for the strippers of Columbus.


This year I'm looking forward to people showing up in jeans and chaps, given the entertainment. I'm just praying we get a seat near the bar.

Comfort Food

As thanksgiving approaches, of course the topic on everyone's mind is of course, what are we having for the big dinner? Well folks, it's at times like these when living in the Deep South actually shows it's advantages.

I have lived all over the world, and I certainly understand the appeal of gourmet dining. However, as the holidays approach, I have to revel in the greatest thing that came from the South. Quality Comfort Food.

That's right, here in the South we take just about everything and either deep fry it, throw it in a casserole, or put a bunch of cheese on it. As disgusting as that might sound at the outset, if you get within a suqare mile of any grandmother's house on Thanksgiving Day in the South, you would understand. The smell alone wraps you in a warm blanket and seduces you into a glorious holiday feeling.

Personally, I have a large extended family and I never had to cook for any holidays until I moved overseas. I had nover cooked in my life. My mother was very much a woman of her time, and my brother and I grew up in the time of microwave. That little beep at the end meant dinnertime was fast approaching.

Holiday family gatherings were my only real brush with food that was not packed with preservatives, and trust me, what it lacked in preservatives it more than made up for it with peanut oil, cheese and cream of mushroom soup.

When I moved to Europe however, I found that the selection of ready-made meals was on the lacking side. Unless I wanted to live off frozen pizzas and canned raviolis, I was going to have to learn how to cook. Fine. I accepted the challenge with the grace and poise I accept all challenges put before me with.

I even started making my own style of comfort food. I married a guy while living in Ireland, and his Irish family absolutely went NUTS over my cooking. My cakes were moist and soft (most cakes over there are dryer and heavier, and the icing is usually hard, like a crust) and the way I cooked meat, it was so tender and juicy, it took me a while to convinve my MIL that the meat was actually done. I also made some peanut butter balls (they don't have reese cups over there... I know, I thought I had left the planet at this point) and that hit their family gatherings like an explosion.

So I think Thanksgiving, as an ode to my experiences, I'm going to be thankful for Comfort Food. We are truly blessed to have these wonderful dishes. Let's face it, when food is so good you stop caring if you gain weight... that's some kick-ass groceries right there.

Here's a little of what I'll be cooking this year:
-Cream cheese jalepeno corn (I have relatives fight over this stuff)
-Stuffed Chicken (I don't eat turkey)
-Green Bean Casserole
-Roasted Garlic Maches potatoes
-Black-eyed peas
-Old Fashioned Dressing (the kind so thick you can cut it into squares)

And for desert:
-Tiramisu (my personal favorite)
-Diabetic Friendly (and diet friendly) pineapple cake (this thing melts in your mouth)
-Sugar cookies decorated to look like little pilgrims for the kids
(I will make a pecan pie on request, but pumpkin pie is totally out for me, I can't stand the texture or smell)

Everyone's invited!!

And men say WOMEN are vain?!?

Welcome the "Wonderjock."

I'm not making this shit up!

"The design of the underwear, separates and lifts. The fabric cup protrudes everything out in front instead of down towards the ground," said "Wonderjock" designer Sean Ashby.

"There is no padding, rings or strings," said Ashby, a co-founder of the Internet-based AussieBum firm.

Ashby said the idea for the "Wonderjock" was the result of online feedback from customers who expressed an interest in looking bigger, just like women using the "Wonderbra".

"When you go to a department store to buy underwear you usually get a grandmother serving, which is not the ideal way to get feedback," said Ashby. "Our customers give us feedback. We didn't realise that big is better."

Let this sink in a moment...

Okay we are talking about mens' penises here. And how men feel about their penis. They didn't realize big is better??? Where the hell have they been since the dawn of humankind??

And furthermore... how DARE men say that women are vain? Does this fall into the realm of vanity? Methinks so my fellow bitches.

So if you want your man to look like he is packing more than he is, run your little self to http://www.aussiebum.com and get him a pair. Personally, I'll be ordering a few pair for my boyfriend. If he wants to see me looking my best in the most uncomfortable bra imaginable, lets see how he likes his frank and 2 beans to be "lifted and separated."

Somehow I can't just help feeling women are just a little bit closer to taking back our dignity... and the world!

Well Hot Damn! It's Friday!!

I got a Doris Day Christmas song in my head and some money in my pocket. Life is good.

For those of you who don't know, I run a teeny little cake business on the side and completely in my free time. For that reason, every person I have known in the last 15 years all of a sudden rekindles a friendship just before any baby shower, wedding, or anytime they need a cake.

Anyhoo, I hosted a baby shower last Monday, and here's a pic of that cake:


Oh it was a booger to make, but I was happy with it.



I think I'm going to stop making these topsy-turvy cakes. I think I had about a pound of cake scraps when I finished shaping this one. Do you know how hard it is to get rid of a pound of cake and resist just laying your face in the pile and letting your mouth finish the job for you? Let me tell you it's damn hard. At least I lost the taste for icing years ago. I really can't stand the stuff. I guess I have just been around too much of it, and even the smell of it is not that great to me.



Anyway, I got to looking at some of the cakes I have done, and I came upon my wedding cake from my first wedding... and it's wierd but that cake turned out to be very indicative of the marriage itself: I guess I'm psychic. And cynical.



I should have let the asshole fall off the cake.


I'd have been better off.



Hindsight darlings, hindsight.

In honor of our First post ever made, by the DIVINE Ms.Place, I would like to THANK you for actually reading what I have to say. You must have been REALLY bored, but thank God for a little boredom from time to time. Catch her blogs at

http://dis-ndat.blogspot.com/
http://janitesonthejames.blogspot.com/

Thanks for your input Ms. Place. You now hold a place near and dear to me at this blog!

Ain't Weight Gain a BITCH!?!

I know, no one held a gun to my head and made me eat my daughter's Halloween loot... but she doesn't like candy, and far be it for me to try and get her on the weight-gain bandwagon. I'm doing her a huge favor, and when she is older, she will see that.

Also, I have like a million cake orders for Thanksgiving. I'm going to be up to my elbows in pies, cakes, cookies, and pastries... I need all of you to be with me for support.

By Christmas I'm going to be completely out of my wardrobe if this keeps up. I keep doing home pregnancy tests because at least if I'm pregnant there will be a justifyable reason for all this weight gain... but no babies (thank god for at least one miracle)

And my well-meaning boyfriend (bless his little heart) keeps trying to force-feed me ice cream. I keep warning him that if I gain one more pound, I'm throwing everything out of our kitchen except the green beans and tuna fish. Of course he eats nothing but red meat and potatoes. He will make the occasional exception for chicken, but it has to be fried. I hate men sometimes...

Boob job Butchery

Tara Reid recently gave an interview claiming that her "botched boob job" gave her nipples looking like a pair of goose eggs. I will leave that visual to those photoshopping pros out there...

Tara had previously vehemently denied having her breasts enlarged, despite constant rumours suggesting she had boosted her bust. However, she finally admitted having her chest surgically enhanced last year. At the time, she said: "Everyone does it. I don't know why I'm the one who gets so much attention?"

Ummmm... Just one little guess... maybe it's because you show the damn things to anyone who will stand still long enough to see them?

Taking a moment out from looking at the collections, I have a tidbit of news for all of you... It seems that being the drug-addicted boyfried of a supermodel qualifies you for a clothing line...

Pete Doherty, who is Kate Moss's boyfriend and plays in some band, is going to launch a line of his very own... It might help if he learned how to dress himself first. I wonder if Kate is going to show off his "fabulous" clothes for him...

I wonder just how out of it both of them had to be to think this was a good idea... Don't worry, as soon as the collection is out you will have my opinion...