This year has been pretty rough so far. A lot of drama has completely taken over my life and I'm so mad about it I cannot find the words. The last 2 weeks everyone has been on eggshells around me because I have been so touchy. I know I'm headed for the mother of all meltdowns and at this point I'd hazard that just about anything could set it off.
I have tried all the normal avenues of stress relief but it's just not working. The wierdest thing is that work has been the one place that I can relax a little bit. I feel my calmest at work because I feel that I have less demanded of me at work I suppose.
I have left the house with no makeup on and my hair thrown up in a quick ponytail more days than I have looking decent. I do care, but when it comes down to it, no matter how early I get up, everything that can come up does until I have little to no time to take care of myself. That is one thing that is really getting to me.
If I have touched something in the last two weeks, chances are it is lost now. I think I have spent about half of my time over the last few weeks looking for something I just laid down a second ago. I am forgetting where I put everything lately. I am one of those people who obsess over a lost object, no matter how insignificant it is to me, I just need to know where I put it because I won't be able to relax until I do. It's like I'm losing my mind.
I can't sleep lately. No matter what I do, no matter what I try I just cannot fall asleep and stay asleep. My mind will not shut down at night and in the mornings I toss and turn waiting for the alarm to go off.
Finally, no one can say the words "marriage" or "baby" to me without me getting super-defensive. I don't want either right now and it seems to be what everyone thinks I need. It really doesn't help that ALL of my family all live within a short drive of each other. We all see each other all the time, and we are all as opinionated as each other.
I have been trying to just clear my head of all the BS but lately it has just been near about impossible.
So, I'm appealing for suggestions. I'm going to end up having a very un-fabulous meltdown soon if I can't find an effective way to decompress, and we just can't have that. What works for you? I'm willing to try anything.
1 comment:
You need a time out just for yourself, if even for one night and a day. Is there any way you can drop your sweet child off with your parents and go off for an overnighter with a close friend (not your fiance) to do something you like - like read a book at the beach, go shopping, go white water rafting, compete in a bake off, whatever.
You need to feel like you've been truly away from the situation, otherwise you will explode.
Hope the day gets better for you.
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