As promised...

Click on the pictures to see the full size images...
Katie's Hello Kitty Birthday Cake

A bridal Shower Cake

A baby shower cake

Another Bridal Shower Cake

Another Baby Shower cake... for twins

Just a cake for my grandma

Another baby shower cake...

I've been busy this summer.

The biggest D

Is it any wonder that the biggest word to describe a mishap (disaster) begins with the letter D? Possibly the two hardest things in life I have found to deal with also began with the letter D... I'm talking about Divorce and Death.

My mother has always said that as a person, I am at my funniest when I am in crisis. I have this sarcastic sense of humor that just seems to come out when bad stuff happens and helps me get through all of it with a smile on my face. I have to laugh or I will cry.

Divorce was no cakewalk. People that are normally rational adults capable of getting along find themselves tearing each other apart. Why do we do this? I refer to when Kathy Griffin pointed out in a poignant scene "Divorce sucks. It makes you feel like such a failure." Right on sister. And when you fail, it has to be someone's fault. So it's the other person's fault.

That is not the case in my marriage. I ruined my ex-husband's life, and I admit it. I didn't cheat on him, and I didn't lie to him. But I got married before I was sure I wanted to. And I found out the hard way that marriage isn't something that's for me yet. It may never be, I don't know. I'm working on finding the answer to that every day. In the meantime, I took his daughter with me back to the States and left him in Europe with no family. He has picked up the pieces, but there are definitely scars.

Divorce was a humbling experience that took a daily toll on my sanity. But you survive through it. The death of someone you love, however, is something that changes you in the most unexpected ways.

At 18 years old I had to bury my first child. The weak heart that is passed down on my father's side caught up with us and took my baby boy. He was 6 weeks old and had already had 2 operations. Now, 7 and a half years later it can still be hard to accept.

That event changed the entire course of my life. I dropped out of college, quit my job, and moved abroad. I met someone and got married and had another baby as soon as I could manage to. I had a desperate need to fill the void.

I had my child. She turned 5 last week. But the void is still there, and I have finally accepted that it always will be.

Then, in February of this year, my brother committed suicide. I have never felt so lost in my life. My brother and I were close like any two people who have been through tough situations together were. We looked out for each other, and while we fought, we were always there to defend the other from any outsider no matter what.

I still feel lost without him. But his death has also changed me in ways I can already see. I think I am finally starting to grow up. I look at myself a year ago and realize how self-centered a person I was and it amazes me. In a way, I had to take care of my child and my parents when all of this happened. Seeing your parents humbled the way the death of my brother humbled them completely changes the way you see them. I think in a way it made me realize that I no longer have to be taken care of by my family, but that I have to take care of my family.

I'm sorry, I know this post was a bit of a downer, and I don't mean it to be. This post does describe a lot of sad things that have happened in my life in the last 7 years, but all of the things that happened in the last 7 years are what it has taken for me to grow up.

I have a sense of independence and control over my life that I didn't have a year ago. However, at the same time I have become so aware of how little control we all have over what happens and it makes me appreciate what I have so much more.

Tomorrow night, one of my brother's best friend's band ( my brother played the drums for them a few years ago) is playing a tribute concert for him and I'm taking my mother to go see it. He called me the other day and told me he had written a song for Steven and he wanted to play it at the concert. I know I'm going to cry when I go, but I think it will be good for my mother to see just how many people cared about my brother and how his death has affected so many people.

The longest 4 days of my LIFE

Okay, gentle readers, grab some snacks and get settled in because if this post is as long as my weekend was, you'll need sustenance to get through it.

Wednesday my daughter turned 5. And I think the DIVA gene kicks fully in on this day because my precocious little darling went full swing into DIVA mode at this point. We gave her the choice of where she wanted to eat her birthday dinner, and of course she picks the swankiest restaurant in town (but keep in mind this is Columbus, GA, we are not talking the MGM Grand here) where kids are seen but not heard, and that is definitely NOT my child.

Anyhow, I rushed away from work to make it to dinner and my ex and my family had already been seated by the time I got there. My fiance was not yet there but on his way. As I approached the table, it turned out we were sitting at the table next to my ex boyfriend (the one in between my ex and my current fiance) and his current girlfriend and Katie was just all over him (she had not seen him in a good while.) So I got to have a good awkward dinner with all 3 of the men from all 3 of my serious relationships ever. And I had to drive home so I had to endure it sober.

Thursday I had to go shopping for "The Party" with my mother. I swear to God her doctor removed her ovaries and didn't tell her. That's the only explanation for how my mother has been behaving. Oh. My. God... I had no fingernails left by the end of the day and I was so frustrated I had started plucking the little baby hairs that grow around my hairline. And I only did it with my right hand so I look like I have a lopsided hairline.

I think part of her problem is that she has Adult ADD so she doesn't like to stand still. I did not inherit this from her. Anyhow, she has adult ADD and has been ordered to do nothing more strenuous than walking for 3 weeks. So she has been wanting to do all this stuff and can't. So since she can't, I'm expected to. And when I can't keep up, she gets downright mean and all but tells me I'm a lazy screwup that can't do anything right. So it takes every ounce of self-control for me not to push her out of a moving vehicle, or just pull over on the interstate and tell her to WALK HOME since I can't drive right, can't plan out my route so I don't cross my own path, etc...

Also, even though there has been like 8 or 9 people at our house at any given moment, whenever she wants something done, my name is the only one that comes out of her mouth. And GOD FORBID I suggest that anyone else help her, because that means there is something wrong with me.

And it's only Thursday...

Friday I had promised to watch the children of a friend of mine who just managed to get a job after being unemployed for a while because she had a rough pregnancy, followed by a baby with digestive problems, etc... So of course when I'm headed out the door, mom throws the mother of all hissy fits because I'm leaving and "The Party" is the next day and we just have so much to do. As if it won't be me doing everything at the last minute either way. What a joke.

So I watch the kids, run to my old apartment to bake the cakes since my cake supplies are still there, and I wrap presents while I'm waiting for the cakes to bake. Mom calls. I die a little inside. She wants pizza and she wants it now!! Get the cakes out of the oven and bring me food now!! So the cakes actually look like they could come out of the oven, but forget them getting time to cool off, I pack them in a box, still in their hot pans and throw them in the car. I grab the pizza and almost get pulled over for speeding twice trying to get them to her.

I get to the house and realize that I have to go back to my apartment because I was in such a hurry that I forgot my cake decorating supplies. Mom freaks and I have a meltdown. I screamed and cried and yelled and stormed out of the house. I called my fiance and totally took it out on him which made me feel better. I got what I needed and I headed back to the house.

When I got there mom ad dad had gone. THANK GOD!! My ex came to the door and tried to console me and hug me. I punched him in the chest and told him not to be nice to me, that was the last thing I needed. He was a dick when I married him, could he please not try and turn over a new leaf in the middle of my mental split?!?

Mom came back and ACTED LIKE NOTHING HAD HAPPENED. She asked me what was wrong. I was seriously speechless. It was at that moment I realized that she had been possessed by Satan. Either that or God was fucking with me and knew just what buttons to push. I spent the rest of the night screaming at everyone and crying if anyone so much as looked at me cross-eyed. I was up until 3:30 am getting ready for "The Party."

At 6am, after her long night of sleep mom woke me up after my 2 1/2 hours. It was the day of "The Party" and I had cooking and decorating to do. Because I'm living with Satan's helper and sharing a house with 3 of the most useless, lazy men placed on this earth, it all came down to me.

Fortunately, my interfering cousin showed up in the nick of time to take things over. I let her. Usually I would never let a stranger into my kitchen and let them tell me what to do, but my spirit had been pretty much crushed. I made my first (but certainly not my last) cocktail of the day and let her have at it. Of course then she got all of the credit for all the hard work that went into "The Party" but at this point I quit caring about everything but sleep and liquor.

My mother got a drink and someone tried to chastise her for drinking so soon after her operation. I tiold them to shut up or I would maul them with a broken bottle. Let the battleaxe get drunk. If we are lucky she wll pass out until Monday after I have left for work.

My future in-laws showed up. I got another drink.

My ex felt compelled to start forcing his opinions on how "we" are raising "our" daughter on me
(despite the fact that "we" is "me" for 51 weeks of the year.) I got another drink.

My Nanny (father's mother) showed up and complained about the hot weather and cold food. I got another drink.

My mother's mother and father showed up. I got another drink.

By the end of the day I was miserable. The only good thing that came out of the day was that Katie had a blast and had a really good birthday. My ex was gone before the party was over, and we didn't run out of booze.

Sunday I slept. All day. I took my mom to one of her friend's house to get her out of my hair and I went home and slept. Katie crawled on top of me from time to time, but bless her little heart she let me sleep.

Next year mom can throw the party. I am on birthday party strike until further notice.

I just HAD to share this!!

My mom just called me in tears. They were laughing tears. Apparently Katie had an accident trying to make it to the toilet today. She called her daddy for help to clean it up. She then ran out of the room to get a towel.

Her daddy walked into my bathroom which has marble floors. Apparently marble floors, a puddle of pee and an unsuspecting ex husband make for a pretty good Monday. You guessed it, he slipped on that puddle of pee, went airborne, and crashed on the marble floors in the puddle of pee.

I love my child.

Jinxy: The Patron Saint of Ex-Husbands

Well this weekend sure was interesting, and it will remain so for the next few days. Why, you aks?? Well, my ex-husband is in town, and he is staying with me this week. (Don't worry, I bought a lot of liquor to keep on hand the day he arrived)

Before I elaborate on that, let me get into my weekend in chronological order. Wednesday my mother had an operation. It was major-but-not really-major if you know what I mean. She was supposed to be in the hospital until Sunday. Well, She had the surgery on Wednesday and everything went well. She called me Wednesday evening at work and made me giggle because she had enough Percoset in her system that she had NO CLUE what she was talking about. I love dad for leaving the cell phone with her while she was high.

Wednesday I also got a call from my ex that he was coming in on Saturday but that he had not found a hotel as of yet. I had known he was coming into town for a while. He lives in France and usually visits for Katie's birthday (which is on this coming up Wednesday) I told him not to worry, we would work it out. I also mentioned this little tidbit to my father.

Thursday is when it all went haywire. My mother called me and informed me that her half brother and his wife would be coming to stay with us Friday night as they were passing through on a road trip (they live in Indiana) and they wanted to come see her in the hospital. Great... my half-aunt and I positively cannot stand each other, and the only reason we have not had it out up to this point is because my mother was always on hand to beg me not to say anything. Mom was going to be in the hospital, and I was going to have to play hostess... Not my favorite piece of news, but oh well.

Then, my dad calls. It seems my ex could not reach me, so he called my dad, who promptly offered to let him stay at our house with all of us... Sigh.

The day did get a little better when I found out my mom was being released Friday morning rather than Sunday. This meant the half-aunt would be occupied with my mother and I would be able to better ignore her.

So Friday mom comes home. She's looking good. The relative arrive, and we have a little mini family reunion. My mom's other brother comes over and he is looking good. It is the first time I had seen him since his heart attack just under 2 weeks ago. He looked surprisingly good. His wife isn't looking so hot. If you looked at the pair of them and had to guess which one of them had recently had angioplasty I bet you would get it wrong. Anywho... (Can you see the pattern in my disdain for the wives of my uncles? They sure do know how to pick 'em in my family)

So Saturday the relatives leave to go back to the corn fields and we prepare to greet my ex. I had to get my fiance to swear on a stack of Bibles that no matter what my ex did or said this weekend that we had to let him live because I need him to continue paying child support, and besides, Katie kinda likes him and we don't want to ruin her birthday. The ex shows up, no fireworks, everything goes smooth, even if it is a very awkward situation.

Sunday I stayed out of everyone's way and in my room all day painting doors and trim. I replaced all the hardware on all the doors in my room, and I must say they are looking better than new now. My room is almost complete except for the flooring which I can't buy until I stop being broke.

So... I spent all weekend playing hostess except Sunday when I turned in to a DIY segment on HGTV. I'm currently living in a house with my parents, fiance, child and ex husband (for the next week)

God I need a drink.

Tuesday's Twins Vol. 2

Okay, so Daisy cut her hair, huh? Well thanks to Ms. Place's screencap of her at the reunion special, I can now show you how she went from Bette to Barb...

Fires

As many of you know, a lot of Southeast Georgia was affected by wildfires. Ever since Thursday I have been down in Waycross assisting with animal rescue and helping feed families displaced by the fires. My parent's church received a call for help from a couple of the local churches in Waycross so Thursday a friend of mine and I loaded up in my car and headed east.

I am by no means a vet, but I got to roll up my sleeves and help care for animals rescued from affected areas. We fed and watered the animals so that the caretakers with experience could assist animals with injuries.

Luckily no one was fatally affected that we know of, but so many families have been displaced by these fires. A lot of the local churches in Waycross teamed up to help feed these families and collect clothes and other essentials to see them through this hard time for them.

Now I'm back, hard at work. Tired. I am moving myself this week. I feel like I may smell like smoke forever, and even if I don't, my car will. But I can't tell you how rewarding the last 4 days were. It was exactly what I needed.

Tuesday's Twins Vol.1

I will post another set of twins later as promised. But for now, tell me you all didn't see that one coming!!

A New Perspective

Someone at work sent me a quote today, and given what I was feeling yesterday, its relevance to me really hit home. Let me share:

Frederick Douglass:
Those who profess to favor freedom and yet depreciate agitation, are people who want crops without ploughing the ground; they want rain without thunder and lightning; they want the ocean without the roar of its many waters. The struggle may be a moral one, or it may be a physical one, or it may be both. But it must be a struggle. Power concedes nothing without a demand; it never has and it never will.

I have been letting my stress overpower my life. I have been letting the struggles of daily life get me down, and maybe I need to take a new perspective on it. Maybe, just maybe, all of this daily struggle I've been experiencing lately is leading to some great thing in my life. It may not, but the hope that it may be is enough to help me chill out and relax a bit.

My grandmother has always said that the best things in life are often the hardest to obtain. I think I need to view this daily struggle I've been going through as a struggle to obtain peace of mind. Then I can be more proactive and positive in my thinking. Maybe if my attitude changes it will get easier to handle.

It's worth a shot...

Meltdown Ahoy!

This year has been pretty rough so far. A lot of drama has completely taken over my life and I'm so mad about it I cannot find the words. The last 2 weeks everyone has been on eggshells around me because I have been so touchy. I know I'm headed for the mother of all meltdowns and at this point I'd hazard that just about anything could set it off.

I have tried all the normal avenues of stress relief but it's just not working. The wierdest thing is that work has been the one place that I can relax a little bit. I feel my calmest at work because I feel that I have less demanded of me at work I suppose.

I have left the house with no makeup on and my hair thrown up in a quick ponytail more days than I have looking decent. I do care, but when it comes down to it, no matter how early I get up, everything that can come up does until I have little to no time to take care of myself. That is one thing that is really getting to me.

If I have touched something in the last two weeks, chances are it is lost now. I think I have spent about half of my time over the last few weeks looking for something I just laid down a second ago. I am forgetting where I put everything lately. I am one of those people who obsess over a lost object, no matter how insignificant it is to me, I just need to know where I put it because I won't be able to relax until I do. It's like I'm losing my mind.

I can't sleep lately. No matter what I do, no matter what I try I just cannot fall asleep and stay asleep. My mind will not shut down at night and in the mornings I toss and turn waiting for the alarm to go off.

Finally, no one can say the words "marriage" or "baby" to me without me getting super-defensive. I don't want either right now and it seems to be what everyone thinks I need. It really doesn't help that ALL of my family all live within a short drive of each other. We all see each other all the time, and we are all as opinionated as each other.

I have been trying to just clear my head of all the BS but lately it has just been near about impossible.

So, I'm appealing for suggestions. I'm going to end up having a very un-fabulous meltdown soon if I can't find an effective way to decompress, and we just can't have that. What works for you? I'm willing to try anything.

Double twins tomorrow

I know I dropped the ball last week but tomorrow you will have 2 sets of twins to brighten up your Tuesday, I promise!

Who saw that coming?

Well last week's Shear Genius had me totally floored. I know, everyone says that. But what floored me was not so much that Tabatha got booted, but how well Bravo was able to make her out to be the bad guy before booting her.

Let's face it, Bravo will take a character that no one has previously had any problems with or a character we like, and prior to booting them, they have to show us some footage that somehow makes it seem like they were in some way villanous. I guess they think we will think the person had it coming all of a sudden, and Bravo can point to the villanous footage as justification. It is an openly manipulative strategy that is surprisingly effective.

That is not to say that Bravo fabricates flaws in people. They don't. The footage you see is real, even if it is edited to within an inch of its life. But I have rarely seen the tables turned on a character like they were on my dear Tabs.

She went from the tough-love talent to a Shrieking Harridan in one episode. Ugh.

This is not to pull the blame off Tabs' shoulders. Mere weeks ago she was pontificating to Evangelin on professionalism, and 2 weeks later she is unloading petty BS drama to what is supposed to be a bride on her wedding day. GIRL!!! I have to commend that bride for not asking Tabs to shut the hell up and just fix my hair.

Also, bad model choice. It is far harder to create a look of continuity when your models all have different hair color. Drastically different hair color. I think that's what actually saved Boogie and Ben. They may have had drastically different styles going on, but it was all the same color hair and that made it look marginally more continuous.

Anyhow, now that Tabs is gone, the title is Daisy's for the taking. If our cute little Cuban can just hold it together through the end and not fall apart, she has this thing. But I know better than to count my chickies before they have hatched. I'm eagerly anticipating the next twist in this wonderful little competition.

No Vegas but Still Fabulous!

Well, I didn't win any prizes or trips, but I didn't have to get up on stage and make a complete ass out of myself in front of half of the town, so its okay, my heart will mend :)

Lucky Ducky

This week is Employee Appreciation Week at work. They have been giving us incentive items (this year it was a nice jacket with the company logo and an insulated lunch bag along with a thermos) and holding daily drawings for an array of prizes from Spectrum gas cards to shares of stock in the company.

Tomorrow I will be attending out EAW celebration. The company holds a yearly event where we gather and to thank us for our hard work they give out loads of money and prizes. They also draw names to attend this Aflac convention (this year it will be in Vegas) and who would say no to an all expense paid vacation on the company... you don't even have to use any of your own vacation time to go...

The drawings are held for employees who have been here for 5-year increments. Usually if you have been here 30+ years, you get to go de facto.

They also hand out prizes for the best idea that has saved the company money. I have submitted a few ideas this year so I'm keeping my fingers crossed. 1st prize is $3,000 and a front-row parking spot.

So tomorrow I will not be able to keep up with the blog conversations, but I might bring home a prize or two. I'll let you guys know how it went bright and early Monday morning!!

Hats off to you!

Irish Milliner Philip Treacy creates some wild haute couture hat fashions. I have been to 2 of his Dublin shows, and these hats are more like sculptures attached to models' heads. What do you think??

Tuesday's Twins

Today is the day for the Ladies in Red. Katherine Heigl and Kate Bosworth are sister-worthy today if you ask me. There are pictures out there that show off their similarities more prominently, but I'm in a red mood today.

Your Supermodel Name

The PRGayBoys blogged about my favorite movie Funny Face this morning. In the comments Bill gave us an interesting bit of trivia, as per usual.

The most fabulous Dovima (who was featured in this wonderful movie) was originally named Dorothy Virginia Margaret Juba. Do you see where they got Do-Vi-Ma from?

So, I'm going to take my name and create a supermodel name out of it.

My supermodel name is : Rolywi

Create your supermodel name and post it. Go ahead, it'll be fun :)

Shear Genius V. Top Design

Tonight is a new Episode of Shear Genius and I won't be missing it. I used to never watch Top Design until a rerun of it fit into my schedule. Why are these shows so dofferent? I have a few theories...

1) The judges respect edginess and risk-taking, but it has to look good above anything else.

In the first challenge on the quick cut challenge, many competitors came up with some really wacky designs, no doubt thinking that like Project Runway and Top Design, you would get an automatic "in" for being so wildly creative. And what happened? One of the best competitors ended up on the bottom because she took edginess a step too far. It has to look good on this show to make it. The judges do see potential in creativeness, but you have to pull it off or they will send you packing, and this is what judging should be on all the shows.

I think on Top Design (and even Project Runway) creativity can be held in too high esteem when it turns out some fugly results. People that should be sent home don't get sent home because they have a "strong point of view," even if it is a strong UGLY point of view. It is so refreshing to see the people with the crappiest designs go home first.

2) The judges aren't afraid to chastise or be mean.

Criticism can be tough to take, but it is the only thing that will help a designer grow. I found it hard to take watching Jonathan Adler be so saccharine sweet during judging. Margaret Russell was a bit better but they should have let her loose. Even Kelly Wearstler was a little bit tougher, but not by much. Bitchiness makes for good tv. We love Nina G and Michael K because they are so bitchy. We love it even more when one of the designers gets their feelings hurt and decides to lash out at the judges. DEEEEEELISH!!

3) We have a Mentor

While Rene Fris' English may not be the most desirable, I don't think anyone will argue that his ass sure is!! He may not possess the same rapier wit as Tim Gunn, but he sure is fun to look at. And he doesn't sound like he is reading a bedtime story to us (even though I wouldn't mind him tucking me in anytime it has to be said.) He is sometimes harsh on the hairdressers and we love this!!

4) We actually get to see some of the process

We are watching this show to see what the contestants can do. While the judging adds a level of tension, it is by no means the whole show. I watch this show in contrast to other kinds of reality TV shows because I like seeing someone do something they have a talent for. I also love to see the contestants interacting with each other more. It gives me a better feel for theit personalities and it creates its own kind of drama. The fun kind.


So in conclusion...

I am looking forward to the next episode. I can't wait to see what crazy thing Evangelin will do or say. I can't wait to see who Tabatha's next victim will be, and I really can't wait until someone sends Tyson crashing back down to planet Earth.

You see, Bravo made me care about the people on the show. Imagine that!!

My dream bed

I love the lines of art deco furniture. To me it just brings together arts and crafts style attention to detail and use of rich woods and modern lines.

I cannot get this bed as it has been sold, but they may have another in a darker wood come available soon. I really love it...

Off to the beach

Or, to a boat to be more precise. Every year my uncle organizes a deep-sea fishing trip for his employees. He pays for the boat, gas, and hotel. This year, he is taking all his employees and as a bonus for the crappy year we have had, he is also taking me, my daughter, my mom and dad. My boyfriend works for him so he gets to go automatically.

A couple of my aunts will be going as well. They will almost certainly want to hit the beach, but mot me. I'm slathering on 2+ coats of SPF 70 and putting on my floppy straw hat and my linen clothes, and I'm going deep sea fishing.

As much as I hate freshwater fishing, I LOVE deep sea fishing. Mainly because I never have to worry about catching anything and I can just spend my time enjoying being on a boat out in the ocean.

In the unlikely even that I get a bite, I usually hand the rod over to my dad who is always more than happy to reel it in for me and handle the fish, as I am petrified of them.

When I say that I am afraid of fish I mean it. A boat is hopefully the closest I will ever come to interaction with marine life. And aquariums. I like looking at fish as long as I have the reassurance they can't get to me. My dad wanted me to learn deep sea diving with him, my mother and my brother. I did fine in the tank, but on my first excursion into open water I hyperventilated as soon as I saw a little fish.

I went on vacation to Chattanooga as well and they had an underwater excursion show at the IMAX 3D theater. I wanted to watch Harry Potter but I got outvoted and we went to the ocean show. This was a bad idea. I can't tell you all how many times I jumped and yelped through that show.

I used to practically LIVE in the water when I was younger. No one, not even I can understand why I have developed this phobia. There is no traumatic event to point back to. The only thing I can blame is possibly a picture I saw once, with a HUGE whale and this teeny tiny boat next to it... only the boat was a 35ft boat. Hardly teeny tiny.

I think it sunk into me at that point just how big some creatures in the ocean are. It didn't help that soon after that there were a string of shark attacks around the FL/GA/AL coasts. No thanks.