First time I've ever been accused of this...

You Are a Normal Girl

You are 40% Good and 60% Bad Sure you've pulled some bad girl stunts in your past. But these days, you're (mostly) a good girl.

Are You a Good Girl or a Bad Girl?

Drink of the Week

Do you ever have a day every so often that about halfway through you realize "GOD, I need a drink!" ??

I feel your pain and I'm here to help. Every Monday, I will share my bartending knowledge with you. Why Monday? Cause that's the most likely day it will be needed.

So for this week...

Lijit Cocktail

1 1/2 oz . Silver Tequila
1/2 oz. Midori
1/4 oz. SOHO Lychee Liqueuer
1/2 oz. Pinappple Juice
Splash Lime Juice

Combine ingredients in a shaker or mixing glass filled with ice. Stir and strain into a chilled cocktail glass and serve.

Garnish with lime wheel.

Halle - Bravo - lujah

Okay. I am officially hooked up. I have Bravo again. Yay!!! I'll probably spend a month watching nothing but re-runs of all the shows I have missed. THANK GOD for Bravo's re-run habit. And, for the record, I HATE Bravo's website. I can say that now that they are not my main source for Bravo programming.

Also, I started selling Avon this month, and I have sold $500 in a week! I started selling because I LOVE their ANEW Clinical products but there are no AVON ladies where I live so I was ordering it online and having it shipped. I figured that with me only working a real job 3 days a week that selling it would be fairly easy money. I didn't know how right I was. I really haven't had to do much, people find me. And since there are maybe 2 other avon ladies in my district, it's a fairly receptive market.

If any of you out in Blogland want to try their products you can order them on my website. The ANEW Clinical products really are amazing. My mom got me hooked and now my porcelain skin is now more porcelain than it has been in a long while. And all those pesky forehead lines are fading fast. Anything that gives you those kinds of results without surgery and face-peeling chemicals has my vote!

Plus, if you guys buy it through my site, I get money. And if I get enough money I can quit my Mon-Wed job and perhaps have enough time to blog as much as I would like to. Maybe. But inthe short-term all my Avon money is going to my vacation fund. I believe Tokyo will be the first stop :)

Konnichiwa!!

Blonde moment of the week

I will never be able to scoff at ridiculous warning labels again. This morning I was the butt of one. I got deodorant in my eye. I know, I know... it begs the question of HOW I got deodorant in my eye. Just don't ask. I doubt I could explain it if I tried and I'm certain I would not come off looking smarter if I did try.

If you have ever known true discomfort this is it. At first I thought it was mascara. My eye was throbbing in pain and felt SO DRY. I never imagined the trace amount of deodorant residue on my finger would elicit such a reaction. So today I am walking around with one red swollen eye. And of course everyone is asking what happened to my eye.

And it comes down to either fingering my fiance as a brutal abuser or admitting my antipersperal faux pas. Naming the one I love as a monster or admitting to be the biggest flake in town...

He better buy me diamonds for Christmas that's all I have to say.

Tuesday's Twins Design Star Special Pt. 1

I am going to be doing a 3-part series on the lookalikes of the contestants of Design Star. Now, before I get reamed for my choices, let me just say that this is going by the faces of the contestants only, and are mostly based on the picture I have. I have not been watching the show religiously, and I'm sure many contestants look differently from their official photo, but oh well. I work with what I've got, and if you think you can do better, by all means try. I'll even link to you.

First of all, Let me thank Linda Merrill over at ::Surroundings:: for having these pics of the Design Star contestants on her website.

For our first lookalikes:

Todd

Gary Busey

Christina

Heidi Klum

Josh F

Matthew Perry

What a way to go...

Imagine you are in a restaurant and nature calls. Pretty urgently. You rush to the lavatory only to find...

Would you be able to pee in these??

I'm sure if you had to go bad enough, you could force yourself.

I mean, you're only peeing into an instrument, right?

But who on earth would want to pee in a mouth right after eating?

And could you force yourself to eat at an establishment whose sense of humor extends to peeing in mouths??

And after all of this, imagine going to wash your hands to be greeted by this...

It's nice when people don't take themselves too seriously, but it is possible to take it a bit far.

Now, take this public restroom in Houston. It looks like a stylish reflective structure from the outside. But surprise, surprise...

It has a great view, too. It's a public bathroom built out of 2-way mirrors. Now call me little miss prissy pants if you must, but I don't think I could force myself to go once I got in there.

Could you??

Just say no: Redux

Ms. Place posted a wonderfully witty post about the things we should just say no to. I have merely added to the original list which can be found here.

Ass cleavage

Eating your boogers

Starvation (self-inflicted included)

Wal Mart

Ignoring Dental Care

Road Rage

Feeding the Animals

Happy Birthday

Today is my birthday, and this just happens to be my 100th post. I had a pretty good birthday this year. Of course that translates to I got a huge haul of FABULOUS presents! :)

I got probably around 9 new outfits - all fabulous, of course.

A new handbag.

A paraffin bath.

New perfume.

Money.

Mike gave me a GORGEOUS birthstone ring. My birthstone is a peridot so I'm pretty picky when it comes to wearing it. I don't like the faded ones. But here are 2 pictures of the ring. Fabulous is a good word.

I know, I'm spoiled. But it's a condition I'm learning to live with. :)

First day of school

Today is Katie's first day of Kindergarten. I'm so glad this day got here. Everyone kept saying I would get wistful and cry, but those people obviously don't know me and Katie. Katie likes going to school and I like sending her. We had already been doing the daycare Pre-K thing, so we have the routine pretty down.

The good thing is my mother is a teacher's assistant at the school Katie is going to, and will actually be in the room next door to Katie. So if Katie starts taking over the class she will have to deal with my mother, which really offers little consolation since my mother has probably told that child no like 3 times in her entire life.

Don't get me wrong, I'm very glad I have a strong-willed daughter. I don't have much patience for overly sensitive females. It's just that when you have a strong-willed child you have to worry anytime they are given a new authority figure. But I have known her teacher for a while. She survived a pretty nasty divorce last year and I'm hoping that experience prepared her for dealing with my angel.

Another good thing is that because of a class rotating system, this will be her teacher for 2 years. So we won't have to go through this breaking-in period every year.

But best of all, now I can REALLY enjoy my 3-day work week. Tomorrow, on my first day off, I can get up and take Katie to school, and then, I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT. I probably won't know how to act. I will have 2 days every week (Thurs & Fri) that from 7:30 am to 6:00 pm (she is also enrolled in the afterschool program) I am officially a free woman.

I think tomorrow I will treat myself to a day at a spa and have cocktails while a mousy little woman applies a facial mask and a hunky massage therapist works out all the kinks.

Just because you can dress yourself, doesn't mean that you should...

Fashion can be bought. Style one must possess. ~Edna Woolman Chase

Wouldn't you agree my dear?

You don't owe me, but you don't own me either

Okay, there have been a couple of posts about this New York Magazine article which supposedly uncovers the truth about the lack of reality show winners' success. Everyone has an opinion on this and you can bet your bloomers you're about to get mine.

There are two separate issues here. And I'm gonna deal with them separately.

#1. The reality show contestants are never promised a career in fashion. They are promised a car, some money, and basically an internship. They are not promised their own label. They are only promised money that can help them START their own label. They are not promised a head design gig at a major fashion house. So in essence, the designers really got everything they were promised.

As far as Jay goes, he does have a right to be pissed (for a reason I will cover in point number 2) but not for the reasons he seems to be. It seems to me Jay is most pissed because he never got someone to hold his hand and explain what he needed to do, step-by-step. And I'm sorry to be the one to point it out, but even if they had, who's to say Jay would have taken their advice to begin with? I watched Jay both on PR and on PJ. He never struck me as someone who was willing to tow the line if it meant doing or saying something he didn't like.

Jay is a brilliant designer. But even he admitted that he wasn't so hot in the business line of things. And fashion is a business. Honestly, Jay needs to try and find someone he respects and can work for (and is willing to work with him) and learn the ropes from the bottom up. Jay was never formally trained at a design school and so he has a lot to learn. Yes, he is naturally gifted in design but there is a LOT more thank just design going on in the world of fashion.

#2. I do think that it is unreasonable to ask someone to "sign themselves over" to a company "body and soul" to be able to compete in a reality show competition. I enter cake contests all the time and the people that run the cake contest don't expect me to give them a portion of whatever I make on cake sales if I win. Why should this be any different?

Weinstein makes plenty of money off these contestants while they are on the show. That's all they have a right to reasonably expect. They don't really invest anything in these designers individually, so why should they expect a return on no investment?

Weinstein also does not have the right to dictate to contestants what career path they choose after the contestants have fulfilled their contracts. If Laura Bennett wants to do a tv series then she should have the right to. She was never promised a job with the Weinstein company so she should have the right to look elsewhere. Weinstein shouldn't even get first refusal in my opinion.

So, in closing I just want to jump on the "quit your bitching" bandwagon because whether these contestants received what they felt they deserved or not, they did receive what was promised to them, and for the final 4 contestants, so much more in my opinion. The opportunity to show at Bryant Park is no small deal, and many designers would never complain about anything else in their lives ever again were they given that one chance.

Tuesday's Twins

Daniel Vosovic

The lead singer from the Plain White T's
Hey there Daniel what's it like in New York City? I'm a thousand miles away but girl tonight you look so pretty, yes you do. Times Square can't shine as bright as you. I swear it's true.

(sorry, I couldn't resist)

No More Negatives

This post is for all the people who have a child that looks up to them in their lives.

I have seen a lot of media focus on how widespread negative body image is these days. How did this happen? Where did this come from? Is it all due to the media? I'm sorry to say I think not.

As parents and mentors I feel that the adults of our society have a lot to do with how our children are starting to view their bodies. Studies have consistently shown that behaviors such as physical abuse, alcoholism, and drug abuse are behaviors that are passed down generations. Why would negative body image be any different?

We talk negatively about our bodies in front of our children. When our children hear us complain, they project those feelings on to their own bodies.

We fad diet. Instead of focusing on eating healthier, we deprive ourselves to lose weight, showing our kids that to be healthy we must sacrifice, instead of finding enjoyment in healthy foods.

We don't exercise with our kids. Our kids are watching us. If they see that we hate exercising, how can we expect them to choose to when they are given the option not to?

We discuss weight with our kids. Kids come in all shapes and sizes. They change as they grow, and just because a child is one shape or size right now does not necessarily mean that will be the case in the future. Under no circumstances should you ever point out a child's weight problems. Children are not equipped to handle responsibility for their health until they are older. If you have a child in your life that has a weight problem, instead of pointing out what's wrong, push the solution. Provide the child with lots of healthy food choices and make sure they see you enjoying them. Make sure they see you exercising and let them know you want them to join in the fun. Don't tell them they have to exercise and eat right so they won't be fat anymore, just encourage them to eat healthy foods because they are good and make you feel good. Encourage them to exercise because it is lots of fun. If you make their weight a responsibility you may be making a recipe for disaster when they hit their teens and the time to rebel comes along.

Now, I'm not putting all the blame on us parents. Media does have a thing or two to do with how our kids see the world. But it's not enough for us to just say "oh that's horrible" and then obsess over that piece of bread we ate 2 hours ago and how it will hit our hips like a ton of bricks. Because you can be sure our kids are listening, and chances are the things we say stick, whether we know it or not.

Quixotic

I was looking up the word of the day on dictionary.com because when I grow up one day I want to be like Tim Gunn and use lots of wonderful words in my everyday speech.

Anyhow, today's word is :
quixotic \kwik-SOT-ik\, adjective:1. Caught up in the romance of noble deeds and the pursuit of unreachable goals; foolishly impractical especially in the pursuit of ideals.
2. Capricious; impulsive; unpredictable.

What a wonderful word to have in one's vocabulary. The word actually refers to the eccentrically generous spirit of a well known literary character known as none other than Don Quixote. How cool is that?!?

Imagine having a presence so strong that the mere idea of your character requires a new word being created to describe it. In my opinion, the fact that this is a fictional character to which we are referring only makes it all the more impressive.

So let's play a game. Name a character or historical person that a word was fashioned after. I'd be interested to see how many we can come up with.

Hope for Darfur??

Here is a hopeful article of Darfur Peace Talks from Reuters Africa. http://africa.reuters.com/world/news/usnL0691333.html

Over 200,000 have been killed in hostilities, and to avoid any more casualites, I am sure you all join me in the hope that talks will be enough to see peace for these people.

The show I have NOT been watching

I have a very good reason why I have not commented on the first blog entry about Top Chef. The reason? I haven't been watching it. Not the first episode.

Oh don't worry, I'm not so scarred from the debaucle that was season 2 that I am forever deterred from watching the series ever again (although that season was pretty traumatic for me) but my absence is merely due to the fact that Bravo is unavailable to me at this time. Since I have moved, I have had no access to BravoTV.

Now, before Marius faints at the mere thought of living without Bravo for the last 3 months, and before Ms. Place starts wailing at the thought of my missing the upcoming Project Runway Season 4, let me allay your fears.

I will be getting a new dish service that will include Bravo next week. Oh happy day. If I was forced to endure another twee made-for-tv movie courtesy of the Lifetime Movie Network (thanks mom) I believe I would have lost the will to live.

My spirit is one that needs bitchiness and snark to flourish. I have been around the block a time or two and all those mushy love-always-works-out movies make my stomach turn. The rare exception being any movies based on Jane Austen novels (because of their high levels of wit). But apart from those gleaming rare exceptions, I need cynicism and wit and above all, bitchiness supreme.

So lets all count down the days until my new dish service is installed. We have 10 days to go.

My poor neglected blog

Well, I got tagged. Thanks Marius. I know I have been very silent lately. I got very ill at the end of June and rather than do nothing but whine about it for a month on my blog, I just took a little unannounced hiatus. I guess I'll come on back now. I've been feeling a lot better lately.

Okay, here goes...
Four jobs I have had or currently have in my life:
1. Poll Manager for my voting district (a title I hold to this day)
2. Short Order Cook (high school)
3. Accountant's assistant (might as well have been the accountant because he didn't do anything)
4. Accounting Specialist/ Payroll Account Reconciliations for Aflac (current profession)

Four countries I have been to:
1. Netherlands
2. Ireland
3. Luxembourg
4. Greece


Four places I’d rather be right now:
1. Tokyo
2. London
3. Paris
4. On a boat anywhere, I'm not picky

Four foods I like to eat:
1. Pizza
2. Tiramisu
3, Hibachi Shrimp
4. SUSHI

Four people that I would like to tag:
Instead, I'm going to apologize to my four most faithful readers for abandoning you with no notice. (I'm really sorry)
1. Ms. Place
2. Marius
3. Ms. Merrill
4. All you lurkers out there :)

As promised...

Click on the pictures to see the full size images...
Katie's Hello Kitty Birthday Cake

A bridal Shower Cake

A baby shower cake

Another Bridal Shower Cake

Another Baby Shower cake... for twins

Just a cake for my grandma

Another baby shower cake...

I've been busy this summer.

The biggest D

Is it any wonder that the biggest word to describe a mishap (disaster) begins with the letter D? Possibly the two hardest things in life I have found to deal with also began with the letter D... I'm talking about Divorce and Death.

My mother has always said that as a person, I am at my funniest when I am in crisis. I have this sarcastic sense of humor that just seems to come out when bad stuff happens and helps me get through all of it with a smile on my face. I have to laugh or I will cry.

Divorce was no cakewalk. People that are normally rational adults capable of getting along find themselves tearing each other apart. Why do we do this? I refer to when Kathy Griffin pointed out in a poignant scene "Divorce sucks. It makes you feel like such a failure." Right on sister. And when you fail, it has to be someone's fault. So it's the other person's fault.

That is not the case in my marriage. I ruined my ex-husband's life, and I admit it. I didn't cheat on him, and I didn't lie to him. But I got married before I was sure I wanted to. And I found out the hard way that marriage isn't something that's for me yet. It may never be, I don't know. I'm working on finding the answer to that every day. In the meantime, I took his daughter with me back to the States and left him in Europe with no family. He has picked up the pieces, but there are definitely scars.

Divorce was a humbling experience that took a daily toll on my sanity. But you survive through it. The death of someone you love, however, is something that changes you in the most unexpected ways.

At 18 years old I had to bury my first child. The weak heart that is passed down on my father's side caught up with us and took my baby boy. He was 6 weeks old and had already had 2 operations. Now, 7 and a half years later it can still be hard to accept.

That event changed the entire course of my life. I dropped out of college, quit my job, and moved abroad. I met someone and got married and had another baby as soon as I could manage to. I had a desperate need to fill the void.

I had my child. She turned 5 last week. But the void is still there, and I have finally accepted that it always will be.

Then, in February of this year, my brother committed suicide. I have never felt so lost in my life. My brother and I were close like any two people who have been through tough situations together were. We looked out for each other, and while we fought, we were always there to defend the other from any outsider no matter what.

I still feel lost without him. But his death has also changed me in ways I can already see. I think I am finally starting to grow up. I look at myself a year ago and realize how self-centered a person I was and it amazes me. In a way, I had to take care of my child and my parents when all of this happened. Seeing your parents humbled the way the death of my brother humbled them completely changes the way you see them. I think in a way it made me realize that I no longer have to be taken care of by my family, but that I have to take care of my family.

I'm sorry, I know this post was a bit of a downer, and I don't mean it to be. This post does describe a lot of sad things that have happened in my life in the last 7 years, but all of the things that happened in the last 7 years are what it has taken for me to grow up.

I have a sense of independence and control over my life that I didn't have a year ago. However, at the same time I have become so aware of how little control we all have over what happens and it makes me appreciate what I have so much more.

Tomorrow night, one of my brother's best friend's band ( my brother played the drums for them a few years ago) is playing a tribute concert for him and I'm taking my mother to go see it. He called me the other day and told me he had written a song for Steven and he wanted to play it at the concert. I know I'm going to cry when I go, but I think it will be good for my mother to see just how many people cared about my brother and how his death has affected so many people.

The longest 4 days of my LIFE

Okay, gentle readers, grab some snacks and get settled in because if this post is as long as my weekend was, you'll need sustenance to get through it.

Wednesday my daughter turned 5. And I think the DIVA gene kicks fully in on this day because my precocious little darling went full swing into DIVA mode at this point. We gave her the choice of where she wanted to eat her birthday dinner, and of course she picks the swankiest restaurant in town (but keep in mind this is Columbus, GA, we are not talking the MGM Grand here) where kids are seen but not heard, and that is definitely NOT my child.

Anyhow, I rushed away from work to make it to dinner and my ex and my family had already been seated by the time I got there. My fiance was not yet there but on his way. As I approached the table, it turned out we were sitting at the table next to my ex boyfriend (the one in between my ex and my current fiance) and his current girlfriend and Katie was just all over him (she had not seen him in a good while.) So I got to have a good awkward dinner with all 3 of the men from all 3 of my serious relationships ever. And I had to drive home so I had to endure it sober.

Thursday I had to go shopping for "The Party" with my mother. I swear to God her doctor removed her ovaries and didn't tell her. That's the only explanation for how my mother has been behaving. Oh. My. God... I had no fingernails left by the end of the day and I was so frustrated I had started plucking the little baby hairs that grow around my hairline. And I only did it with my right hand so I look like I have a lopsided hairline.

I think part of her problem is that she has Adult ADD so she doesn't like to stand still. I did not inherit this from her. Anyhow, she has adult ADD and has been ordered to do nothing more strenuous than walking for 3 weeks. So she has been wanting to do all this stuff and can't. So since she can't, I'm expected to. And when I can't keep up, she gets downright mean and all but tells me I'm a lazy screwup that can't do anything right. So it takes every ounce of self-control for me not to push her out of a moving vehicle, or just pull over on the interstate and tell her to WALK HOME since I can't drive right, can't plan out my route so I don't cross my own path, etc...

Also, even though there has been like 8 or 9 people at our house at any given moment, whenever she wants something done, my name is the only one that comes out of her mouth. And GOD FORBID I suggest that anyone else help her, because that means there is something wrong with me.

And it's only Thursday...

Friday I had promised to watch the children of a friend of mine who just managed to get a job after being unemployed for a while because she had a rough pregnancy, followed by a baby with digestive problems, etc... So of course when I'm headed out the door, mom throws the mother of all hissy fits because I'm leaving and "The Party" is the next day and we just have so much to do. As if it won't be me doing everything at the last minute either way. What a joke.

So I watch the kids, run to my old apartment to bake the cakes since my cake supplies are still there, and I wrap presents while I'm waiting for the cakes to bake. Mom calls. I die a little inside. She wants pizza and she wants it now!! Get the cakes out of the oven and bring me food now!! So the cakes actually look like they could come out of the oven, but forget them getting time to cool off, I pack them in a box, still in their hot pans and throw them in the car. I grab the pizza and almost get pulled over for speeding twice trying to get them to her.

I get to the house and realize that I have to go back to my apartment because I was in such a hurry that I forgot my cake decorating supplies. Mom freaks and I have a meltdown. I screamed and cried and yelled and stormed out of the house. I called my fiance and totally took it out on him which made me feel better. I got what I needed and I headed back to the house.

When I got there mom ad dad had gone. THANK GOD!! My ex came to the door and tried to console me and hug me. I punched him in the chest and told him not to be nice to me, that was the last thing I needed. He was a dick when I married him, could he please not try and turn over a new leaf in the middle of my mental split?!?

Mom came back and ACTED LIKE NOTHING HAD HAPPENED. She asked me what was wrong. I was seriously speechless. It was at that moment I realized that she had been possessed by Satan. Either that or God was fucking with me and knew just what buttons to push. I spent the rest of the night screaming at everyone and crying if anyone so much as looked at me cross-eyed. I was up until 3:30 am getting ready for "The Party."

At 6am, after her long night of sleep mom woke me up after my 2 1/2 hours. It was the day of "The Party" and I had cooking and decorating to do. Because I'm living with Satan's helper and sharing a house with 3 of the most useless, lazy men placed on this earth, it all came down to me.

Fortunately, my interfering cousin showed up in the nick of time to take things over. I let her. Usually I would never let a stranger into my kitchen and let them tell me what to do, but my spirit had been pretty much crushed. I made my first (but certainly not my last) cocktail of the day and let her have at it. Of course then she got all of the credit for all the hard work that went into "The Party" but at this point I quit caring about everything but sleep and liquor.

My mother got a drink and someone tried to chastise her for drinking so soon after her operation. I tiold them to shut up or I would maul them with a broken bottle. Let the battleaxe get drunk. If we are lucky she wll pass out until Monday after I have left for work.

My future in-laws showed up. I got another drink.

My ex felt compelled to start forcing his opinions on how "we" are raising "our" daughter on me
(despite the fact that "we" is "me" for 51 weeks of the year.) I got another drink.

My Nanny (father's mother) showed up and complained about the hot weather and cold food. I got another drink.

My mother's mother and father showed up. I got another drink.

By the end of the day I was miserable. The only good thing that came out of the day was that Katie had a blast and had a really good birthday. My ex was gone before the party was over, and we didn't run out of booze.

Sunday I slept. All day. I took my mom to one of her friend's house to get her out of my hair and I went home and slept. Katie crawled on top of me from time to time, but bless her little heart she let me sleep.

Next year mom can throw the party. I am on birthday party strike until further notice.